Marred Spirits
by livingchickennuggets
Summary: Follows after the events of Circus Child. Lisbon begins to doubt her decision about running off with Jane. Jane is forced to face memories that he has so desperately kept locked away. Will Lisbon be enough to keep him together? Waring dark themes and sexual abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Lisbon POV**

My mind was racing with the events that happened over the past week, but I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt the car slowing down. I looked out the window to see that the bright California sun no longer stood brightly in the sky. It must have been several hours since we left the CBI, by this time the team would have realized what happened.

"Dammit," Jane smacked his hand off the steering wheel when the vehicle came to a halt, "Are you kidding me?"

Jane smacked the steering wheel again before unbuckling his seat belt and jumping out of the car. I jumped out of the car and jogged lightly to catch up with him. "Jane, Jane wait," he didn't slow down when I called his name, "Jane! Please stop! At least slow down." He turned around quickly, but his eyes were not focused on me. Jane rubbed his hand roughly through his hair and down over his face, scratching over the stubble on his chin.

"Do you have any cash," he asked while he searched his pockets, "We need to get few things." Any money that I had was sitting on my desk, his eyes wandered over my face for several moments before he nodded and turned again.

"At least we ran out of gas in the city," he laughed lightly before he continued walking again. At least this time it wasn't at break neck speed. Glancing around I could see several blocks of large buildings with bright glowing signs. None of the signs seemed familiar to me and the street names didn't ring any bells either. As a state agent I traveled around most of California making myself rather comfortable with its roadways.

Jane let out a soft grunt followed by a few hasty apologies. He stood next to a young looking couple with his hand clasped on one of their shoulders. "I'm so sorry I just get so caught up in the beauty of the city," he had one of his smiles plastered on his face, "I hope that you have a wonderful evening." He patted the guy's shoulder, before releasing it and turned to walk away.

_What was that about? _We walked several blocks before stopping in front of a 24-hour convenience store. Jane pulled a wallet out of his pocket and started to flip through the folds, pulling out several bills and what looked liked a credit card. He put the money in his front pocket and pulled something else out. Whatever it was, was flat and had a zebra print all over the cover.

"JANE! You pickpocketed them," I stomped towards him and pulled the wallet out of his hands, "That is terrible and not to mention illegal."

"So is running away with a wanted murderer," he tried to keep the grin off of his face, but the corners of his mouth twitched.

I let out an irritated sigh before I opened the wallet and searched through the wallet. _Tonia Granion born September 13__th__ 1978. _She had a few large bills and several credit cards with other people's names on them. Jane looked over my shoulder and saw the names on the cards.

"See we stole from a thief no reason to feel bad," his whispered in my ear before kissing it lightly.

"We didn't do anything, but yes YOU can feel LESS guilty," I turned saw that he was staring at a hobo laying in the parking lot.

Jane grabbed the credit cards from my hand and placed them with the ones he had. "Excuse me, sir," Jane spoke softly as if he was speaking to a child, "Can you do me a favor?" The hobo looked confused as Jane handed him a stack of credit cards. "I need you to go over to that ATM and withdraw as much as you can from these."

The man grabbed the cards and walked over to ATM, looking over at us several times as he did so. Several minutes later the man walked back to us with a rather large stack of bills. Jane took the money and counted it quickly.

"Here," Jane pulled at least three hundred dollars from the stack, "Thank you for your help." The homeless man smiled brightly at Jane before running off happily.

"How much do we have," I looked at the money trying to guess myself, "Can we get some food?"

"It is a little over five thousand," he flipped through the money again, "Take a few hundred and get whatever you want to eat. I will meet you back here in fifteen minutes." Jane handed me the cash and walked off behind the store.

"Jane, where are you going," I called after him, but he had already rounded the corner.

When I walked into the store a teenage kid looked up from his phone, giving me a quick once over before turning back to his phone. The store looked like something you would see in a horror movie. Everything was covered in dust and the fluorescent bulbs blinked slowly, each time the lights flickered it seemed a little less likely to come back on. Small shadows splayed out across the floor closing in around me. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the boy cracked his bubble gum behind me.

"Is there anything I can help with," his eyes glanced up and down my body as he spoke. I looked at the nametag and saw his name printed in bold black letters.

"I need some things that would be good for on the road," I glanced around the store trying to think of what all we would need.

"Come with me," Ethan said as he guided me around the store grabbing things from different isles. Between isles he would stop at the counter and place the items into piles. After we found everything he thought I needed for 'my road trip' he rang up the bill and packaged the purchases into paper bags. The display of the register flashed as he scanned the items, green letters and numbers zipping across the tiny screen. I paid him and walked out of the store.

"Lisbon," Jane called me and I turned to see him sitting in a new car.

"Are you serious, no, no," I had to try and keep from yelling we didn't need an audience, "Can you do anything that isn't illegal?"

"Get in," he reached across and pushed the door open for me. I sat down in the car with the groceries haphazardly splayed on my lap. Jane relocated the bags to the backseat and pulled away from the curb. Despite the fact I was angry with him the silence in the car was comforting.

~MS~ ~MS~ ~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~~MS~

My eyelids kept trying to close, but every time they closed I saw Jane standing in the bullpen with a gun. His eyes empty and cold as he stared at his father, but instead of being arrested Jane turned the gun on himself. His finger moved over the trigger and I cold hear the mechanisms in the gun click into place. Each step happened in slow motion as if they were mocking me, _too late Teresa you have to watch him die. _The slide of the gun floated effortlessly across the barrel, drawing away from his head in an almost serene way. The bullet scratched on the inside of the barrel emitting a sound easily mistaken for nails on a chalkboard. The bullet left the end of the gun,

every striation on the bullet embedding itself in my memory. The shimmering brass made contact with his skin and time made up for itself moving so quickly now it made me nauseous. He was now lying on the ground and Rigsby had his hand on the wound calling out to Jane.

"Lisbon, wake up, Lisbon," I opened my eyes to see Jane's eyes studying my face. A tear found its way down my cheek and Jane kissed it away. His lips staying there until he felt me relax into him. "We can sleep here for a few hours. I think we can stick to traveling at night," he motioned behind us to a motel. I ruffled his curls lightly before jumping out of the car and stretching my cramped muscles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jane POV**

My fingers drummed restlessly against the steering wheel. Lisbon had fallen asleep hours ago and I could feel the exhaustion from the last few days wearing heavily on my body. Trying to keep my mind focused on the road, and not on my inevitable breakdown, was harder than I expected. _You are going to get her hurt. Everyone you get close to dies, Jonah.__** Stop it. I am not Jonah anymore. **__You are Jonah that scared little bitch, running away again. Who are you going to 'be' now? __**Get out of my head. Leave me alone. **__I am not going anywhere Jonah, and if I do I am taking you with me. _

Lisbon started to talk softly beside me and I brought my attention back to her. She was mumbling something that I couldn't make out and her face was contorted in pain. "Lisbon," several times of repeating her name did nothing. She seemed to calm down by the time I pulled into a motel. A man in his late forties walked up to our car and I rolled down my window for him.

"Do you need a room," his voice was raspy from years of excessive smoking. The smell of smoke from his clothes filled my nostrils and I had to fight not to cough. I nodded my head and he pulled a key from his front pants pocket. "Come out and pay when you get settled," he placed the key in my hand and brushed back a tuff of his graying hair, "it will be sixty for the night."

The man watched me as I maneuvered the car into an open space. I ignored his watchful eyes and turned to Lisbon. "Lisbon, wake up, Lisbon," her eyes shot open quickly and locked onto mine. She looked scared and there were tears threatening to spill over her cheeks. One of them broke free and slid slowly over her skin. Without thinking my lips brushed over the tear and rested on her soft cheek. Her skin was so inviting, and my hands itched to explore the rest of her body. I pulled away before my hands had a chance venture over unexplored territory. "We can sleep here for a few hours. I think we can stick to traveling at night," I motioned to the motel behind us. She brushed her fingers through my hair and jumped out of the car. _She will die just like the rest. _I leaped out of the car angrily, heading towards the man that gave me the key. He walked over to me as I neared him, his eyes examining my physique. I pulled whatever money was in my front pocket out and handed it to him. "Have a good day," his voice was higher with the excitement of having a customer.

Lisbon was leaning against the car with her eyes looking out over the empty landscape. She turned slightly when she heard me approaching. The sun was barely peaking over the horizon when we entered the room, only casting small shadows across the room. Her delicate fingers slid over the door as it closed behind us. She was so beautiful with her disheveled hair and creased shirt. I placed my hands on her slender hips pushing her flat against the door. _Do you remember how it felt? How he used you, made you his? _

"I want this," my voice sounded threatening as I breathed against her neck. She stirred under my grasp and I feared she was attempting to pull away until she pressed her hips against mine. Lisbon turned to me finding my lips with her own, she understood what I needed from this and she seemed more than willing to give it to me. My hands wandered over the smooth fabric of her shirt, warm skin taunting me through the thin fabric. _He touched you like this. All the late night visits to your room always ended up like this. _I shoved her back against the door and pulled her shirt over her head. She looked surprised by the sudden aggressiveness, but said nothing to try stopping me. I took a moment to admire her petite hips and toned stomach. Her hand trembled slightly when she reached out to massage my length. I could feel myself harden, expanding in her hand as she continued her rhythmic movements. With each stroke I grew harder and my pants became uncomfortable very quickly. I lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist and carried her to the bed. She pulled me down on top of her and began undoing my belt, scratching lightly over the fabric before pushing them out of the way.

Flashback-

_My father trotted up the stairs after he said goodbye to my mom. She works the late shift today and he has to watch us tonight. I watched as he walked past my room in his light blue pajamas that I picked out for his birthday. His bedroom door clicked shut and I could hear him moving around before he walked out again. I closed my eyes as he walked past again, but when he stepped into my room I opened them again. He no longer wore the pajamas, now he just had on a pair of cotton underwear. _

"_I know you are awake," his voice was quiet as he walked to my bed, "how about some company?" He walked over to the other side of the bed and climbed in. I felt his weight transfer from the side of the bed as he snuggled against me. After a few minutes he started to move and I felt something press into the back of my pants. His hand squeezed my shoulder almost roughly as he moved, and he was breathing heavily._

"_Are yo-you hot," his voice sounded soft and came out in puffs, "you c-an ta-ke this off." He slowly slid his hand down my side and over my stomach, before he started to undo my shirt. I pulled the shirt off and laid it beside the bed. "See that is much better," he placed his hand on my stomach again, running his fingers over my waistband. "Dad I'm not hot," I put my hand over his to stop his caress. "I'm sorry buddy it's okay," he propped himself up on elbow and leaned down to press a kiss below my belly button. My stomach tensed at the unexpected touch, and he laughed as he pressed more kisses to my stomach. Each kiss lasts longer than the last and eventually he started to nip at my skin. His fingers dipped into my pants and he moaned when he touched me. "D-d-ad," I felt weird when he started to massage me in his hand. "Ssshhh," he hissed onto my stomach, "I want this so much. Do you to make me happy?" I watched him as pulled himself out of his boxers. "Grab it," his hand gripped me harder and I gasped at the sudden pain, "just like I have you."_

-End-

"Patrick, Patrick look at me," Lisbon had her hands on my cheeks, "Patrick I'm right here you're safe. Look at me please." I could feel her eyes on my face, but I couldn't let her see the pain my eyes. I realized that we were now both naked and finally brought my eyes to her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her chest was heaving from recent exertion.


End file.
